I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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