I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
