I wannas sexs uuuuu
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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