We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
