So drunk its hurt
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
