I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
