I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
