I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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