Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
