Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
