shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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