your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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