The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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