It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
