I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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