turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
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