Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
