Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
wanna go halves on a baby?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
