There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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