I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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