and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
