I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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