I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
