I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
