I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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