What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
