Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
