We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
