And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
