My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
