i would punch a child for taco bell
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
