He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
