sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
