im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Is it because I queefed?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
