ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
