Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
