I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
