suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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