Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Farmville is her only friend.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
