Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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