Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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