just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
