Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.