Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I want her autograph on my taint
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY