No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look