I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.