There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
