do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.