Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.