Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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