suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
