well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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