My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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