walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
