take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
