I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
this boner is exhausting
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
