I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
