Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
