areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
