I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
