ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
