listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
