can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
