im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She's the barista slut.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
