so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
