I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
