Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
