Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
