OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
