Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
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Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
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Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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