If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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