I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
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