hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
