So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
