well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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