I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
we should paint friendship bongs
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
