So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
