I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize