Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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