You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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