also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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