Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
why is half of my head shaved?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
