I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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