her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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