rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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