Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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