DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
