Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
